Do you ever feel down when you look at your friends and family moving forward but feel you’re stuck in one place? If so, maybe we can relate to one another. I know to a certain extent how you feel.
I’m a 22 year old girl who has had a very tough few years. I haven’t worked in a normal work setting since 2016 due to extreme anxiety and low mood after a traumatic event. Not being able to work made me fall into a deep sadness and self doubt. I ended up completely giving up on myself and thought I had no future.
All of these feelings made me feel so out of touch from what I wanted in life. My hopes seemed to fade. All I saw was friends buying cars, going on holiday, getting houses, having children and taking on the world and writing their own story. I felt like I was stuck in one place and couldn’t see my path. I did learn that our futures don’t need to be planned and sometimes the best things are those that aren’t.
In 2019 our world was turned upside down when my nieces and nephews were all taken into foster care. For almost a year now my mum, partner and I have been undergoing an assessment to become connected foster carers to get the children out of care and take them on within our family full time. The assessment has been hard beyond belief and I cannot even begin to explain how much I have had to put on hold and compromise for it. Myself and partner have had to pushback our lives and rethink our future plans.
My current situation
Right now I have the majority of my friends settled down with children, getting a house, getting engaged, moving up in their jobs and planning weddings. Being the kind of person who has been longing for her own space for so long it is so hard knowing I have to stay in one place for a while and not knowing when will be possible to move onto my own home with my other half. Not knowing when we can plan for our own children or even things like booking a holiday. Our family situation has consumed our lives and had made it super difficult to know where we stand.
Seeing my friends move into their new homes, having children and moving up in their jobs is so joyous but also makes the core of my body ache. I am so happy for them and I care about nothing but their happiness but It also reminds me what I could be doing and how much I cannot wait to buy my own home, have my own space, experience my own personal struggles and just making a fresh start.
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I dream of interior design, making my own space just for me, having my own office for my work and most of all, having a gorgeous bath so I can really take care of myself and enjoy pamper time just for me. Yes some may think that sounds selfish but I am a hard working human being who deserves peace, calm and some me time. Not having a bath at home does make me sad as I absolutely adore a good long soak, listening to podcasts with candles on and some amazing bath products.
I love designing rooms and I have been gathering quite a wonderful selection of home design inspiration on Pinterest! What a lovely thing to do to cheer yourself up and get you excited for the future.
Could this relate to you?
- Not being able to work due to physical or mental illness.
- Having a poorly parent you have had to look after and become full time carer
- Not having the money or being in a situation where you can move out.
- Not being in a relationship and not feeling you can meet someone.
- Feeling trapped and not being able to move out of your parent/family home.
- Not earning enough to save or run a future home alone.
- Not being able to find or get a job.
- Being the youngest sibling.
How to beat the blues and get back on track
It can be hard to pick ourselves up and get on track when we feel down in the dumps. When you feel like your life isn’t moving forward it can be hard to find the next best steps to take to get things going.
Here are some ways you can try and get back into the swing of things:
- Write a list of the things you’d like to achieve. They can be big goals, small goals and just things that matter to you. Seeing things on paper can help you feel organised and motivated.
- Keep a journal. Whether that be a bullet journal, a diary, an interactive one or even one you can draw in. It’s good to log your gratitude for the day, have reminders for the day and just a way to log how your day has been and what could have gone better.
- Think of what you want to do as a career or education etc. Find what you need to get into it and research ways you can make it happen. No matter how big or small you can find ways to achieve. You deserve to be happy and do what you want in life.
- Learn to ignore what others will say and think. You will always have family or friends giving their opinion on your life choices but they shouldn’t influence your goals and what you want out of life. It’s about what makes YOU happy.
- Start a hobby or do something that gets you out and feeling good. Going the gym or finding a fitness class such as aerial silks, pole fitness or yoga. Exercise can help release endorphins and can really uplift your mood and spirit. If exercise isn’t for you, you can find so many other activities you will love!
- Clear out your home or any rooms that are relevant to you. A good clear out and move around can help kick start motivation and help you feel fresh. If possible decorate your personal space and even go and buy some new clothes to help you feel new and rejuvenated. Out with the old and in with the new! Maybe even get a hair cut and dye if you feel you need a pick me up. I always find a cut and colour change helps me feel happy and new.
- Find some new inspiring books to read. I always find reading a book or a blog post really helps me feel motivated and inspired. The same goes for a new show where I can relate to the characters such as “Jess” from “New Girl”.
Please try not to judge yourself too much. Other peoples lives are different. We all move at different stages and progress at different speeds. I know it’s hard but comparison is one thing that can really negatively impact our mental and physical health. Comparing ourselves to others is so dangerous and toxic. We are on different paths for a reason and each of us will find what we are meant to do in time. If life was the same for everyone, what a boring world we would live in. Trust your path and embrace each step. You will get to where you want to be. Trust the process! You’re doing great.
Mouthy Mum
•2 years ago
I love this. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting a bit of time alone. 22 is so young to be putting your own life on hold for children that aren’t your own. Even kids that are your own. But you are taking responsibility for children that you weren’t given the time to get used to or prepared for. You are an amazing human. Your family just sound like brilliant people. You will pass your assessment and you WILL get your bath my little love. You can have it all xx
burstsofautumn
•2 years ago
Thank you so much lovely! I did in fact get the bath fitted the other day and I have been approved as a foster carer now for my three little ones!! It’s scary and hectic but worth it! 🙂
Stay wonderful! I can’t even come to explain how grateful I am for this comment
Louna x