A bit of a random little post here but I was looking through my very first blog on Blogger.com and thought it would be fun to repost the posts on here! It’s so fun to see how my writing style and techniques have changed and just content in general! I may start posting some old ones to show you how funny teenage me was.
This blog post was from February 2014 talking about a past experience ย and is about my inability to feel like a normal teenager. The world through my little geeky, teenage eyes!
Let's party! Or maybe not..
So, I have been thinking about a past experience I had had at a party I attended a year or so ago.
It was basically when I was pulled out of mainstream education and became home educated.
Of course, the amount of friends I had was minimal, and the ones I did have just felt sorry for me.
So there came a time when I asked my friends to stay round; one was busy and the other two were going to the same party, so little old me was left alone. Thankfully my friend decided to ask me to go with her to this 16th Birthday party of a girl from my old school. Me being..clever, I said yes! (Big mistake). I thought ‘Why not?’. I didn’t want to, but I felt left out and didn’t want to be the ‘boring’ one. I felt constantly looked down on anyway, so I wanted to prove a point that I could do teenage things.
ย I assumed I was like the other teens and could have a normal time.
In the back of my mind, I knew I wasn’t like them all and I knew a party was not going to be easy for me to handle. Especially a party full of 15 and 16 year olds!
Before the party I could not decide what to wear.
I’m a small, quirky, nerdy and not exactly thin girl, with not a lot of self confidence at all.
So finding an outfit to wear that suits this particular occasion was difficult.
I tried on so many cute dresses I had, but nope, they wouldn’t be right.
I tried on my friends tight fitted dresses and just looked like a lumpy mess!
So I ended up wearing a green and white polka dotted crop top with a black high waisted skirt.
Now don’t get me wrong, Polka dots look cute on me; I love them! But I guess cute wasn’t right for the occasion.
The crop top..I didn’t exactly wear it as a crop top, I pulled the skirt up so that none of my tummy was on show and I didn’t wear a lot of make up, just because It’s not something that appealed to me. My hair was down, orange and black and was held back with a cute bow head band.
So there above is the night of the party, showing my outfit. Of course minus the fluffy house slippers!
But yes, my two other friends wore tight and girly clothes which appealed to the boys; I guess I must have cramped their style a bit.
Their was everyone at the party wearing tight fitted dresses with clutch purses, drinking alcohol, and then there was me, looking quirky and polka dotted, with a bow head band, a brown bohemian side bag and drinking water.
I guess I was and still am so so different to the average teenager.
Anyway, enough rambling on.
The party was..horrid.
I mean, to me it was.
To my friends it was a blast. Dancing around teenage boys with their mainstream hair and style.
Eek..I feel ill thinking about it all again!
I was just so out of my comfort zone. A dance floor full of teens dancing almost seductively, and there is me completely frozen with fear (When I say frozen, I mean I actually couldn’t move I was that scared).
And this is why I don’t do parties like this.
I mean a family party is not too bad, but a popular person from schools party – not so good!
I was just happy when I got home and I could put back on those purple slippers of mine and forget everything that had happened by watching TV and sipping on a hot chocolate.
I just thought I would share this with you all.
I haven’t attended a party like that since then, which I’m happy about.
So yes! How do you guys find parties?
It would be interesting to hear some different comments with stories of your experiences.
I’m up for reading them!
Smile ๐
ย L
xxx
It is genuinely so bizarre to re read my old blog posts and see how little self belief I had. Even then I was down putting my body and believing I was ‘Overweight’. It just goes to show the power of bullying! I’m now a body confidence model and stand up against bullying and struggles in schools!
Thanks for reading. Have you re read old posts of yours? If so, how was it?
Stay wonderful!
Paige
•6 months ago
This is so bittersweet to read; I felt like I wanted to pull you out of that party environment because it seemed so horrible! I’m glad you can look back now and know that you have developed more self-confidence and the ability to take yourself out of an environment you don’t feel comfortable in. I hated parties like this; and to be honest, still do. My friends were always the ones to organise them etc, which obviously meant that I had to go (you know the whole messed up secondary school friend code) I could always hold my own, and pretend like I was having a good time but really I just wanted to be at home in my comfy clothes. I’ve never been a massive drinker (in fact, I don’t really drink at all) so being stone cold sober with all these sweaty, drunk people clambering over you is just not the vibe I like. I also think you looked lovely at this party anyway!
Paige // Paige Eades
burstsofautumn
•6 months ago
Thank you so much for this in depth comment. I think we are definitely on the same page! It can feel so unnerving being so far out of your comfort zone. It’s so hard to just be someone who enjoys the smaller things in life at times when we are surrounded by people who love the opposite. We can come across boring but I love being the kind of person who sits at home with a good book, a film and a nice beverage in hand. Comfort, happiness and a lot less to worry about ๐
Thank you so much again. You seem fantastic and I hope we can be blogger friends!
Stay wonderful!
Louna | BurstsOfAutumn