For two and a half years, I wasn’t able to leave the house on my own due to extreme anxiety.
I haven’t been well enough to work in an average job. I was scared of everything and I felt like I was going nowhere. It was the scariest place I’ve ever been in, trapped by my own mind.
I made the decision to confront the mental illness and go and seek further help; I’d finally admitted to myself that I need someone to help me through things again, and that it’s more than okay.
I’m still under mental health services to this day as a young adult and I’m now working alongside those services to help others!
I am finally getting help for my agoraphobia and health anxiety which is a huge step in the right direction.
I have realised I have a few good months and then I crash slightly for a few months; but I always remember that it’s okay to not be okay and that it will pass; It’s about getting back up when you’re strong enough.
Although each day brings a new challenge and a different mind set, I’ve found that I’m facing fears and jumping hurdles so much more and it is paying off.
Yes, I find it hard most days and my anxiety makes me want to stay in my room, under my quilts, safe, but It’s taken a long time so small steps are wonderful and I’m so proud of myself.
One thing I’m struggling with more than anything, is accepting me for me.
I struggle with body dysmorphia and most of the time I am full of self doubt, which has a huge strain on my productivity and work towards my dreams.
Selfie by selfie, day by day and post by post I WILL become my own best friend and I will appreciate the weird and wonderful being I am.
For now, myself and my mind are becoming closer and are working together to get me somewhere.
I know one day I will look in the mirror and say “Hey you, you sexy beast, let’s kick some ass” – but until then, I will try not to beat myself up.
My first step to becoming my own friend was taking myself for some lunch after the gym.
I went to a lovely coffee shop called 3Threes which specialises in veggie and vegan food.
It is my happy place!
So I treated myself to a hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows and a nice panini.
I sat, silenced myself and enjoyed drawing and focusing on my senses in the present moment boy was it perfect!
I’ve started doing this often, and although it can be scary at first, I’ve started accepting that I’m always going to be here and I have the power to make myself happy, therefore why shouldn’t I?
I’m not fab financially but I believe there is more important things in life than worrying about money all the time.
Happiness is my priority
Become Your Own friend.
It is a beautiful way to live.